


Photo (Q4 2010 & Q4 2014)

by Hyogacamus1984



Series: 青春アミーゴ (Seishun Amigo) [28]
Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: M/M, Mrs. Nakajima
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-10
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-12-13 16:06:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11763474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hyogacamus1984/pseuds/Hyogacamus1984





	1. 2010

When he walks into the house, dragging his very tired brain and body with him after school and Raiya asks for the n-th time if Yamada will be coming to see them this weekend, Yuto loses it.  
He doesn’t remember exactly what happened, but he knows his adrenaline took over and he runs up to his room after screaming at Raiya.  
He has never been angry at Raiya.  
Ever.  
And of course it completely scares the child, who has never seen his older brother so angry before, let alone angry at him.   
Yuto feels guilty the moment he loses it.  
He has never scolds at Raiya - in fact, he has never ever raised his voice at him, let alone get angry at him.  
Raiya is his little adorable baby brother that is six years younger than he is and never in his life has he been mean to him. 

Yuto throws himself on his bed, not wanting to face anybody for the rest of the day. And the rest of the weekend too, for that matter. He can hide out in his room, he has nothing to do anyway, exams are over and he’s not actually got any job line up for another four days.   
He likes the silence (though he can hear Raiya crying faintly downstairs) and he likes the loneliness.  
There is so much angst in him, but he somehow feels content about it.  
He thinks he is at the age where he is angry with anything and everything.  
Kamenashi has talked to him about it, because he is getting more and more unapproachable, and Kameanshi is worried.  
Yuto then reminded him that he has gone through that phase too, when he had that fight with Ueda back when they were teenagers. Kamenashi just sighed at him and told him he’ll be over it and be really embarrassed about his outburst.   
He already felt bad.   
He sends a message to Kamenashi to apologise, who responds pretty quickly with a smile and tells him not to worry about it.   
His face falls on top of his pillow again and he just wants the world to swallow him.   
Then someone knocks on his door.   
He is pretty sure it’s his mum, after comforting Raiya and now to tell him off.   
He doesn’t say anything, because he is pretty sure his mum will come into the room anyway.   
“Yuto.”   
Bingo.   
He feels the weight of his mum sits on his bed.   
“You okay?” She asks. “What’s wrong?”   
Yuto is not ready for that. He is all ready for his mum to tell him off and scream the house down.   
Not asking if he is okay.   
“Is the pressure too much?” She asks again. Yuto shakes his head without lifting his head.   
He doesn’t want to say anything. He can feel his mum’s hand running through his hair. “You don’t have to take it all you know. If you want to quit and be a normal teenager, we are okay too.” Yuto doesn’t say anything. “I’m making dinner now, you don’t have to come down to eat, and I’ll put some away in the fridge for you if you don’t fancy eating.”  
He feels the weight of the bed lifted, and a quiet click that signals his door is shut again. 

*

Yuto wakes up, disorientated.   
The room is dark and he is still wearing the same clothes.   
The lights out on the landing is off, and he assumes everyone in the house is asleep. He turns the light on in his room, and it gives him a headache straightaway so he turns it off again, but the little note that must have slip through his door catches his eyes.  
Raiya’s writing.   
And it reads “Gomenasai”.   
Yuto wants to cry because it really isn’t Raiya’s fault. He is not in a good mood and the last thing he wants is to hear Yamada’s name.   
As much as he dislikes that Yamada has replaced him as the centre of JUMP, and he hates to admit it, he can’t deny the true fact given he doesn’t have as much job as he used to.   
And this fact becomes too real when ‘School Gakumei’ has been going since 2009, and he doesn’t have a regular role in any variety shows since the Showa Heisei Show.   
He creeps downstairs and nibbles on the food his mum left for him and then into the bathroom for a quick shower before going to bed properly.   
But having slept through the evening, and when he notices it is nearly four in the morning (which means he has slept for nearly ten hours), he tries but fails miserably to fall asleep.   
So he turns on his computer.   
There are always photos to sort out (and play with).   
His subconscious routinely opens all the applications and he realises his subconscious also guided him to open the photo that he was previously working on.   
A close-up of Yamada that he took for the concert.   
He took a lot of photos for the upcoming concert.   
None of them are good enough, so he isn’t planning to use any of them, but this one.   
This photo of Yamada tugs on his heartstring.   
It’s nothing special about it - in fact, it’s so not staged that it is actually quite embarrassing to look at.   
But his eyes sparkle and his smile is pure and child-like.  
Even though they have seen too much for people their age, and experience more than people their age, the Yamada in the photo has kept his innocence.   
Yuto loves that photo.   
And wants to make it perfect.   
But he hasn’t managed to.   
There is something mesmerise about Yamada.  
The moment Yuto set his eye on Yamada for the first time when he was auditioning, he knows Yamada is going to be amazing. He was so excited when they stand together as Hey! Say! 7. He was even more excited when they became even the bigger (and dare he says it, better) Hey! Say! JUMP.   
But he just never expected to have his very solid centre position taken over by his best friend.  
He is still not too sure what happened and what might have possibly gone wrong.  
It feels like one day he is Nakajima Yuto, the centre of attention in this brand new group, and then BOOM - he doesn’t even have any regular shows or anything specific going on for him except for modelling, which he isn’t sure if he likes it or not.  
He looks at the original photo and then checks the amount of editing that he has already done.  
None of the editing is of Yamada’s face itself, just some lighting issues (He is not a professional) on the background and on the shadows.  
Yamada is breath-taking.  
Yamada has always been breathtakingly beautiful.  
He sighs and closes the photo and picks out another one to work on, but he just doesn’t have the same enthusiasm.  
He sees (and remembers) every details of Yamada no matter what. His clothes, his hair, his smile, his everything.   
He closes his computer again and flips back onto his bed.

He is in so deep.


	2. 2014

Yamada never understands how Yuto has moved into his flat for nearly half a year, and yet there are things that still haven’t been unpacked and in boxes and cases (he really thought JUMP has done it all). Most of the things are computer bits and obviously he doesn’t need them, so Yamada has taken the initiative to sit with Yuto for a day on one of their rare day offs to sort out the last of it.  
“You do realise once this is all sorted, you have to go through the millions of photos on that folder on your desktop, right?” Yamada smirks as he sits next to the desk and watches Yuto unplugs another USB stick that is filled with photos and he dumps all the photos into a folder on his desktop that says ‘sort through’. “And you’re going to run out of space on your computer soon without looking at them.”  
“I doubt it.” Yuto answers. “There is a system here.” Yamada raises his eyebrow. “The SC cards are original photos that I have taken with my cameras. I know any photos from 2013 have been stored safe in these boxes.” Yuto says, point at the massive external hard drives that needs external power on the desk with years written on them. “The USB sticks are the ones with the edited versions of the photos.”  
“Edited?”  
“You know, photoshopped.” Yuto answers. “When I turned them all black and white for the concerts.I still don’t understand why it has to be black and white though, but it definitely makes my life easier when I do the editing. I don’t really keep those because I have the originals, but every now and then I have to admit I have created some masterpieces, and those are the ones that needed to be sort through.” Yamada nods. “And these portable external hard drives? Mostly back ups. And of my videos.”  
“Videos?”  
“Have you forgotten the personalised videos that I make for everybody?” Yuto asks.  
“Oh those.” Yamada exclaims. “I just thought you keep a copy of the DVD you make.” Yuto shakes it head.  
“I’ll have to have multiple copies because each of you has individual ones, the SEVEN ones and the BEST ones, plus obviously the group ones. Instead of keep stacks of DVDs, I keep the unedited versions on my external hard drive which is easier… it’s like when we release DVD, we have solo shots.”  
“What’s this?” Yamada asks, pulling out what looks like an external hard drive that looks completely different from the rest of them.  
“That’s the very old back up.” Yuto answers. “A few years back I have had problems with my computer, and Chinen sorted it out for me. This is one of the external hard drives that he bought with him because I didn’t have one. He wipes out everything and rebooted the whole computer, and gave me a bill. This is what was left from the back up.” He plugs it in and waits for it to load. “I don’t even know if this is compatible with this computer anymore.”  
“What if it isn’t?” Yamada asks.  
“That’ll be out of my league. I’ll have to get Keito and Chinen to sort it out.” Yuto answers. Luckily the computer reads the drive, and there are folders and folders of photos with dates on them from the whole of 2010 and 2011. Yuto randomly picks a folder and opens it up and goes through them one by one.  
“Oh wow.” Yamada says. “I have never seen some of the photos before.”  
“These dated back to 2010 or something like that.” Yuto says. “That’s probably why you haven’t seen them.”  
Yamada doesn’t say anything as he climbs onto Yuto’s lap and starts looking through the photos, there is no way he will be able to get anything done whilst he is at it.  
“Why is this folder password protected?” Yamada asks.  
“No idea.”  
“It says ‘Not used’.” Yamada says. “Do you remember the password?”  
“Try ‘Hey Say 16 June 07’, no space, capital ‘H’, ‘S’ and ‘J’ and 16 and 07 in number.” Yamada grunts and shakes his head.  
“Huh.” Yuto says, tilting his head and looks at the ceiling. “Maybe ‘UMP 14 Nov 07’.”  
“All capital?”  
“UMP and ‘N’.” Yuto answers. Yamada shakes his head again.  
“Last chance.” Yamada says. “Because it says it will lock the folder after 3 failed attempts.”  
“What?” Yuto asks, looking at the screen. “Okay. Try ‘7 Jump DASH’.” Yuto says, still looking at his phone. “The number, capital ‘J’ for Jump and all caps for DASH.” Yuto hears the reassuring ‘ping’ to tell him the folder is unlocked.  
“Oh wow. These are beautiful. When did you take them?” Yamada says as Yuto hooks his chin over Yamada’s shoulder and the moment he sees the photo, he feels his cheeks heat up. It’s a whole folder filled with Yamada’s photos that he has taken, those ones that he took whilst they were fighting. “How many photos of me have you got?”  
“Here? Or in general?”  
“Here.” Yuto shrugs. “In general?”  
“No idea.” Yuto says, trying to sound nonchalant.  
“Estimate?” Yuto shakes his head. “Okay. Guesstimate.” Yuto shakes his head again.  
“I don’t actually know.” Yuto answers. “Too many, throughout the years.”  
“You’re obsessed.” Yamada says, shaking his head.  
“Only you.” Yuto answers as he puts down the phone on the desk, wrapping his arms round Yamada’s middle.  
“Sap.” Yamada smiles, still looking through the photos. “I like this one.” Yamada says. “I look so young.”  
“It is a few years ago now. There are also better photos since then.” Yuto answers. “I know how to work the lights better and of course, better skills and better camera.”  
“Why didn’t you show me these?” Yamada asks. “Okasan would love to have seen these.” Yuto shakes his head. “Why not?”  
“To be honest I have forgotten about them.” Yuto says. “And we were fighting at that point, it’d feel really weird if I show them to you.”  
“Did you show it to anybody?” Yuto shakes his head again. “Why did you keep them? You didn’t even like me.”  
“But it doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate good photos.” Yuto answers. “There’s this one...” Yuto says, putting his hand over Yamada’s and opens another file. “...this one was one of my favourites.”  
“Was?”  
“Like I said, there are a lot better photos since.” Yuto answers. He can still remember the feeling of seeing that photo. “I think I have tried to edit this photo million times, but I just couldn’t get it right, so I never finished it. And when my computer broke down, Chinen backed everything up and I haven’t looked at them again.”  
“I still prefer the one earlier. This one isn’t really special.” Yamada answers.  
“This one made me realise I fell in love with you.” Yuto mumbles into the back of Yamada’s neck.  
“What did you just say?” Yamada asks, turning his head to look at Yuto. He shakes his head against Yamada’s neck. Yamada turns and sits on Yuto’s lap facing him instead, and his head hangs down. He wraps his hands round Yuto’s jaws and lifts his head up. “Yuto?”  
“Nothing.” Yuto says, looking into Yamada’s eyes. “Back in 2010, this was my favourite photo.”  
“But why that photo specifically? Like you said, you’ve taken so many better photos and you have seen so many more...”  
“Your eyes.” Yuto answers. “You looked so pure. I am not saying you don’t anymore, but in front of a camera we don’t seem to have that side of us exposed. I do get a lot of them when I take the photos for JUMP as if you all have shed all your armour. But that photo, I don’t know if it was because I caught you off-guard, you still have that childlike sparkle in your eyes in that photo.” He brushes Yamada’s hair. “You still have that childlike sparkle in your eyes.”  
“Thank you.” Yamada answers, moving his arms round Yuto’s shoulders.  
“What for?”  
“Every time I thought I know all about you, I always find something else that just squeezes my heart a little more.” Yamada answers and presses a kiss on Yuto’s lips. “Will you ever finish editing that photo?” Yuto shakes his head. “Why not? You said you love the photo.”  
“I thought I can make it better.” Yuto answers. “But I can’t. I shouldn’t want to change perfection.” Yuto smiles.  
“Are you talking about me or the photos?” Yamada asks, resting his forehead against Yuto’s.  
“The photo.” Yuto wraps his arms round Yamada’s waist. “You mostly though.” Yamada presses another lingering kiss on Yuto’s lips and just as Yamada shuffles closer to Yuto’s body, his phone rang.  
“Cockblocker.” Yamada mumbles.  
“It’s Chinen.” Yuto says, showing him the screen. “Hello?”  
“Can you pick me up? Well, me and Keito.” Chinen asks. “I am in Omidesando. Laforet. Keito is on his way.”  
“What for?” Yuto asks.  
“We are going out to dinner tonight?” Chinen says, trying to jolt Yuto’s memory. “Ryosuke wants to try that new restaurant? “  
“Oh I remember. But have to pick up Yama-chan first.” Yuto says.  
“Oh quit it.” Chinen sighs. “You two are together today. He told me he’s helping you with some stuff in the flat. He can’t reach the shelves and he can’t even set up his own wifi so I don’t know what he is actually helping you with.”  
“Don’t know what you’re talking about.” Yuto answers.  
“Either way. Come pick me and Keito up please? It’ll make everybody’s lives easier because it looks like the restaurant is in the middle of nowhere.” Chinen says. “I’ll see you in an hour!” And with that, Chinen hangs up. Yuto rests his head on Yamada’s shoulder.  
“What does he want?”  
“Picking up. Keito is on his way to meet him.” Yuto says. Yamada laughs.  
“Omidesando?” Yamada ask. Yuto nods. “Let’s go.” He said and stands up from Yuto’s lap. “Best not to keep him waiting.”  
“What did you call him earlier? Cockblocker?” Yuto says as he stands up when Yamada grabs his hand with a giggle. 

*

Keito and Chinen are already standing round the corner where they always meet Yuto.  
“Where did you pick up Ryosuke? Your bedroom?” Chinen smirks when he gets into the car.  
“Sitting room, actually.” Yamada answers. “We managed to sort out some of Yuto’s photos.”  
“How many?” Keito asks, buckling up his seatbelt.  
“Not enough.” Yamada answers.  
“Well Yutti have too many photos and it probably will take forever to sort.” Chinen says.  
“But I thought you also sort them after you take them?” Keito asks.  
“It’s old photos.” Yuto answers. “Remember I had that problem with my computer a few years back? You can’t do anything with it so Chinen helped me?”  
“Back THEN?” Keito says in shocked. “Oh wow.”  
“Urgh.” Chinen smirks. “You were going through your emo state at that point. And you were all like... ‘I love Yamada but I don’t like him right now’. So hard to deal with.” Yamada turns his head to look at Yuto, who deliberately focus on the road and not look at Yamada. None of them talk about that again.  
It doesn’t take too long for them to get to the restaurant, but the traffic just outside looks horrific.  
“Why don’t I drop you guys off first?” Yuto asks.  
“But the car park is the other way.” Keito answers.  
“It’s less busy that way.” Yuto says. “If I drop you off at the front of the building, and I’ll go round the back road to the car park.”  
“Make sense.” Chinen says. “We can start ordering too.” Yuto nods.  
“I’ll stick with Yuto.” Yamada says.  
“You would.” Chinen mumbles.  
“Are you sure?” Keito asks as Yuto turns round and stops in front of the building.  
“Coke for you both, yeah?” Chinen asks as he gets out of the car.  
“Yeah.” Yamada says.  
“See you in a bit!” Keito smiles as he bounces after Chinen towards the restaurant.  
“He spends too much time investing in our relationship.” Yuto sighs as he moves round the back of the building hoping to avoid the traffic.  
“He just cares about us. That’s how he cares.” Yamada says.  
“It’s annoying, frustrated and amusing at the same time.” Yuto says with a smile. He knows it too, but sometimes he really just wants to keep their relationship between them.  
“You’ve known since 2010.” Yamada says.  
“Know what?”  
“You love me.”  
“I have always loved you.” Yuto answers as he swivels into the car park as he predicted, where there is less traffic from the back roads.  
“But as in... You knew.” Yuto nods. “Even though you didn’t like me.” Yuto nods again. “It doesn’t make sense.”  
“I can love you whilst I don’t like you. Nothing changes when you love someone.” Yuto answers as he cuts the engine of the car and unlocks the door.  
“You should have said something. It would have saved us dancing round each other for so long.”  
“I couldn’t. I didn’t like you, remember?” Yuto says as the two of them gets out of the car. He takes Yamada’s hand out of habit and slots their fingers together. “You hand is like ice. Are you cold?” Yamada shakes his head as he ponders on what Yuto has said whilst the two of them take the lift to the restaurant. Yuto puts their hands into his coat pocket.  
“Doesn’t your love surpass your hate?” Yamada finally asks again.  
“I can never hate you Yama-chan. I just didn’t like you. Hate is on the same level as love. To me, hate and love is a very permanent thing, whereas like and dislike is more... a momentary thing.” Yuto answers. “Love makes you stop seeing things clearly, and with me building all those walls round myself, all I know was how to love, it doesn’t mean I was doing it right.”  
“I can never understand you.” Yamada sighs.  
“Well, I like to keep myself mysterious to make sure you won’t get bored of me.”  
“I can never.” Yamada smiles as he squeezes Yuto’s hand. “Shall we try and see if Chinen will pay for dinner tonight?”  
“I doubt it.” Yuto smirks.  
“Well, it’ll have to be either you or Keito.” Yamada says. “Because I have left my wallet in your flat.”


End file.
